disenchantment

the words

Foolishly, I trusted her words. I trusted her reassuring “yeah, that went in the mail last week”. I trusted her uneasy laugh, like a good fool would. I trusted her supportive comments about my work and her matter-of-fact answers to our questions about hers. I accepted her word as truth. Weeks turned to months while I trusted. I stopped trusting and became embarrassed for having been “had” and embarrassed about not having enough “hard evidence” to win ALL of my cases about how myself and others were “had” (but time will remedy this). Embarrassment devolved into anger, and now the anger has faded to sadness. The sadness is flirting with hopelessness, in so many ways, and it is terrifying.

the project

It is a constant reminder of the words.  I’ve been assured that it will move away from this sad fact, in time, but that time isn’t here yet.  The reminder is akin to a tree blocking the road after a storm.  I have to find a way to remove it or move around it. I feel the constant need to apologize to everyone remotely related to the project. I cannot think of (much less complete) the project without feeling the effects of the words all over again. This is more of a detriment to the project than the “lost” funds will ever be.

transcendence

(…………………….please enter now) Is this where compassion for liars comes in? Forgiveness for those who knowingly act in ways that are a detriment to others?

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