Been avoiding the doctor, but I’m going Thursday. My chest has been hurting for weeks. A dull ache. I think I’m finally ready to know what my cholesterol levels are and whether or not my genes are bothering my heart. I hope it’s all in my head and I hope I’m just letting this “heart health month” stuff get to me. My morbid vision keeps running out of control. I drop dead at zumba and some young nurse tries to help. I’m seeing the other side and feeling this incredible scrambling urge to soak in every minute with people and work towards completing projects and plan a birthday party and be a present parent so I won’t be remembered as a complete flaking failure. I hope its just the moon messing with my fluids.