Archive for February, 2013

Heart

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Today I had an EKG and gave a vial of blood away for testing. My heart beat is slower than average, but that’s not cause for worry…instead I’m obsessing over what’s in my blood and what could be causing this tension. I hear I should maybe try stretching my heart chakra. My insurance is crap and I had to pay for everything. No wonder so many people avoid doctor visits. The holding rooms were full of people complaining about the wait. A man proclaimed that he could draw our blood for free, to speed things up. I planned my defense and avoided eye contact. A silver-haired woman walked in with a bloody rag pressed against her temple. Very calm. The nurses spoke of chicken and waffle chips. Two women in the second, smaller waiting room laughed over news of their friend “falling off da poach wit her legs up in da air lika chicken” and wondered how long until they could leave for lunch at Ihop. I sanitized my hands and worried about why none of the lab techs wore gloves. On the way home NPR was sharing a story about the red socks’ pitcher’s bloody sock and I nearly fainted.

I remain,

Patiently waiting patient

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Nothing matters more than him

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Body

Been avoiding the doctor, but I’m going Thursday. My chest has been hurting for weeks. A dull ache. I think I’m finally ready to know what my cholesterol levels are and whether or not my genes are bothering my heart. I hope it’s all in my head and I hope I’m just letting this “heart health month” stuff get to me. My morbid vision keeps running out of control. I drop dead at zumba and some young nurse tries to help. I’m seeing the other side and feeling this incredible scrambling urge to soak in every minute with people and work towards completing projects and plan a birthday party and be a present parent so I won’t be remembered as a complete flaking failure. I hope its just the moon messing with my fluids.

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